So.. about life.

I have to say.. Im a horrible friend to this dear blog. I should really nurture and love it more than I have in the past. Please accept my apology.

So i need to write down what I want.. For now and for later.

I really love fashion- Ive been slowly gathering (over the past 4 years), fabric samples and patterns in hopes that I will be able to find time to create a clothing/accessory line. I just get side tracked so easily and dont make time for things I love doing (such as this). Im sick of it. I just hate half assing something Im passionate about. I feel if Im going to do it- might as well do it right the first time and give it my all. So, since I dont have the time to give it my all- I just dont do anything about it. Ugh. Im sick of it! Well here are things I love and WILL make time for.. Soon.

I will buy old tables and chairs and refurnish them.
I will finish all my photo projects Ive started.
I will to create the best play list ever.Also One for all my moods:1 sappy love 2. thug nasty hip hop 3. dance all night 4. cant help but smile 5. Oldies but Goodies
I will create my clothing line and sell my threads online and in flea markets.
I will buy a lil house and paint, redo it and make it ScREaM Crystal Gail.
I will go to Hair school.
I want to serve a mission for the LDS church.
I will volunteer for the Peace Corps/or someother international service organization.

I need to go to my room and sit there until I come up with a solid plan for all of this. There is more- but these are my short term.. ugh.. goals?

Well, now that Im thinking about it- here is the idea of my home I want.. This wont be for my first house- but my 'dream' house and Land..

I want to have a southern Plantation Style home with a wrap around porch. The porch will start at the bottom level of the house and wrap around and spiral to the roof (does that make sense?).
I dont want my house to be too big or too small-3500 sq feet would be perfect.

I will have 20+ acres of land. I'll have rows of fruit trees, a garden that will produce most of the vegetables and herbs Ill need, chickens (for eggs and meat), cows, goats, horses, dogs, and birds.

Ill have a barn in the back with a rope swing.

For the most part I want to be self sufficient. I dont want to have to worry about what has been fed or injected into the foods I eat. I dont want to have to worry about not being able to eat tomoatoes because they have been contaminated or sprayed with pesticides. I dont want to have to depend on someone else to feed me or my family.

Ah.. I can see all this now.

So Another thing Ive been thinking about (since I started going off on this dream life).. I want my kids to grow up a lot like I did. My parents had money to buy us things, but they never gave us anything that we didnt NEED. They taught us to work hard for what we want in life and to save up for it. They didnt buy me my first car, they didnt pay for my fuel to drive around town in, they didnt buy me a cell phone at the age of 12 and I know they arent going to put a down payment on my first house.

Im glad. I work hard and dont take advantage of anything I have. I feel I understand the meaning of a dollar. I know I have great work ethic and have had to teach myself how to save for what I want and prioritize what I buy (Im still learning and working on this one). But some of the people I have met dont understand this-- its so sad.
ANyhow. I want my kids to grow up as I did.. And to be encouraged to have imaginations and play pretend. To play board games- NOT video games.
ah.
I keep losing my thought process.. Im done with this.